A collection of thoughts, chronologically. Incomplete.

Fragments...Inspired...Confusion:
I'm being told from all angles,
how to think, who to be
But the selfishness inside
always shadows me.

I want to do what's right
What good and true
but on my accord,
not what's important for you.

But, there the paradox begins,
because what's good is good is good
and if it's so universal
we agree! Or so we should...

We all want a voice
we all want some fame
But do we really have the heart?
Do we have any place to start?
really, it's a shame...

a crying shame.


(I want to tell Dan Mangan to write happier songs. So I could listen to him and not feel sad. But then, I remember it's okay to be sad sometimes. And there's more to his songs than being sad. It's about acknowledging the reality of your life. All the little stuff. All the grit, and angst, and dirty secrets you hardly want to admit. It's okay. All that shit is okay to deal with. Being sad doesn't have to linger, not if you deal with it appropriately. Dan, for me, means moving forward. Means teaching myself how to deal. But I feel like I've learned all I can from this album. He's overdue for new.)

TOPIC SHIFT!

http://www.newint.org/columns/essays/2006/07/01/happiness-conspiracy/
What makes us happy? Is it our love of place (and the pursuit of finding the perfect one)? Or perhaps seeking out beauty, organization, decorations, and artful reminders of humanity? Or cultural symbols, icons, and reinforced group patterns of being? Or is it something else? Something not about communicating with others? Is it the pursuit of inner peace and contentment at the expense of anything around us? Well, it surely seems like that considering the span of history humans like the satisfaction of a job well done - think about the immediate pleasure of war, conquering the enemy, etc.
We all know what happiness feels like, we've all had those moments. Lost in full laughter, so much that your belly hurts after. Someone tells a joke that is true enough and funny enough to make you pause, laugh, and think "someone gets it". You find what you've been secretly wishing for; in that moment you savour what you've been given, you feel like you don't need anything else.
1000 Awesome Things takes this approach. It's not a "how to be happy" book. It just celebrates those little things that you can't not be happy about. They're all those moments where the world seems right, just for a moment. Perhaps they're not long term; maybe they're not controllable. But that's just it. Happiness isn't about regulation or planning. It is mostly about being connected to the world, and open to what it can offer. It doesn't mean (or intend) you will be happy all the time, but it allows you to be MORE happy when you do find yourself in those little Awesome moments.
Happiness is about perspective. Which, I guess, is what the book of Awesome teaches, in a roundabout way.

#Imhappiestwhen is trending on twitter tonight. Responses include: "near the ocean""sitting with a group of friends, talking about nothing, having nowhere to be...sounds like summer" "im wit mi otha 1/2" "I look at my bank account and I see a comma" "I see JYJ performing on stage""i'm eating""I put my passion ahead of others' expectations" "I have nothing on the proverbial 'agenda' and can have a ME day consisting of relaxation, reading, writing, &meditating" "those I love are happy".
I wonder as I read through these, is there anyone of those that is the best way to be happy - one which we should all aspire to? Or are all of them equal?
I've always enjoyed the satisfaction of having a day (or part of a day) where I'm in control & everything goes well. It happens every once in a while. Today I reflect on those days and wonder what I can do tomorrow to make things that way again. ...
Always a dreamer. No solutions. I'm at a loss, world.